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GOD
God doesn't get much of a look in in I do not want what I have not got except perhaps in the song 'Three babes' - 'about three miscarriages that I experienced':
'Each of these
my three babes
I was not willing to leave
though I tried
I blasphemed and denied
I know that they will be returned to me
each of these
my babes
has brought you closer to me.'
The 'you' in question could be the father of the babies but I think it is God. And it makes an interesting contrast to the Gary Numan song, 'Prayer for the unborn', also written in response to a miscarriage - one of several - suffered by his wife:
So, I prayed
But you weren't listening.
Making miracles?
So, I begged
But you were far away.
Saving souls perhaps?
So, I screamed
But she was very small
And you have worlds to mend
So, she died
And you were glorious
But you were somewhere else
But I can't leave I do not want what I do not have without referring to the song 'Black boys on mopeds'. It could be seen as an anticipation of 'Prayer for England'. Granted that 'Prayer for England' was prompted not by the Iraq 'war' but by some common or garden case of a child being murdered, 'Black boys on mopeds' also concerns an item that might have got tucked away at the back of a local newspaper. She says: '“Black Boys on Mopeds” is based on a true story involving two young teenagers near where I lived in London. They had taken a cousin’s moped without asking permission; the cops were called and gave chase; the boys got frightened, crashed, and died.' She takes it as symbolic of the atmosphere of tension she encountered when she arrived in Margaret Thatcher's England:
'England's not the mythical land of Madame George and roses
It's the home of the police who kill black boys on mopeds.'
But why 'Madame George'? 'Madame George' is the title of a song by Van Morrison which celebrates the courage of a transvestite not afraid to live his conception of himself to the full. But it has nothing to do with England, it specifically references Belfast and Dublin. The explanation comes in Rememberings. Soon after first arriving in England from a Dublin she had experienced as extremely repressive, she met up with two cousins living in South London, one of whom was a transvestite: 'My girl-dressing cousin took me to Kensington Market and there I beheld a smorgasbord of size 12 patent-leather stilettos for men. England was officially the greatest country on earth.'
'Black Boys on mopeds' also features a discreet but definite reference to God:
'remember what I told you
if they hated me they will hate you ...
'remember what I told you
if you were of the world they would love you.'
In case anyone reading this doesn't know these are among the words Jesus spoke to the disciples shortly before the crucifixion.